i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
