I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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