I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
