I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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