Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
