plz talk dirty to me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
