You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
