This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
