cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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