Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
