Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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