I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My balls are so social today.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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