I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
