I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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