I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't deserve a penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
