oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
