Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize