Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
