So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
