STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
