Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
