I cockslap morals
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
