she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
