Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
