I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
