Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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