I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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