Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize