You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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