Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
