i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
