I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
