he thought i was a dude.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
