Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
