So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am available for nakedness
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
