Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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