Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
