I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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