I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
