the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
