omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
