New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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