4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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