dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
