just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she peed on how many people?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
