I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
