i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
