i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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