We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
