Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
