SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
