so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
