So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
