Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
