wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
