Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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