is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
