i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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