I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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