i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
