Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
