Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
