Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
