Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
