Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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