And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
