My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
