How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The uberlube is also flammable
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
