kristin has been a bad kristin
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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