Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
