Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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